


(after all this time) you and i

by benjji2795



Category: 9-1-1 (TV), 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)
Genre: Jealousy, M/M, Pining, Rated teen for language, also eddie has lots of feelings but can't express them properly, buck is so oblivious, but he very much wishes he could get out of it, he doesn't know he got roped into the buddie drama, surprise surprise, tk is just done with him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-26 20:14:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30111411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/benjji2795/pseuds/benjji2795
Summary: From TK: shit sorry i wouldn't have though you were hitting on me if i'd realized you had a bfBuck would like to make sense of that message, he really would, but right now his brain has responded by screeching like the old dial-up tone computers used to make when connecting to the internet.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 36
Kudos: 548
Collections: 9-1-1 Tales





	(after all this time) you and i

**Author's Note:**

> I know I'm late to the party on this one, but I couldn't just let this idea go once it took root in mind. I love the idea that Buck and TK are friends after the events in 2x03 of LS, so naturally, they would keep talking. Which would be fine, if Eddie wasn't jealous of boys that take up Buck's time and attention :P
> 
> This also includes the scene I wish we'd gotten of Bobby's reaction to them stealing a ladder truck in Austin.
> 
> Takes places after 4x03/2x03 but before Buck Begins (4x05) - hence why you'll see Buck referencing the brother he never had even though we now know that he. Ya know. Did.
> 
> Title from [Mary's Song (Oh My My My)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NlQbK-Vu37I) by Taylor Swift. That probably doesn't even fit, I'm sorry. I'm bad at titles.
> 
> Un-beta'd so let me know if there are glaring errors.

Buck feels the exhaustion settling, crawling deep into his bones by the time he stumbles into his apartment in the middle of the night. He tried to sleep in the truck on the way back to Los Angeles. It would have been the perfect place, the gentle hum of the engine, the flat landscape and miles of calm desert to lull him to sleep. He dozed off a little, but not enough to keep him from feeling like he's about to collapse in the middle of his kitchen. He silently curses his inability to sleep in cars, something that's plagued him since he was a small child.

He leaves his bag on the kitchen island, even though that will probably piss off Albert in the morning. Albert can suck it, for all Buck cares right now. It's still his apartment, Albert can learn to deal with it. He's got working arms and hands, doesn't he?

Buck slides into bed, ready to let the sweet nothingness of sleep overtake him, but he gives his phone a cursory glance before he lets his eyes flutter shut. There's three notifications—a text from Eddie saying that he's made it back to his house (Buck responds in kind and gets a smiley face for his effort), and two notifications from Instagram.

The first one is a new follower notification— _Firefox has followed you!_ —it says, and Buck grins. It's nice to know he made an impression on Marjan in just the short time they interacted.

The second is a direct message from TK, which Buck should leave for tomorrow morning, but the preview shows that it starts with “shit sorry...”. And sure, TK is asleep and won't see his reply for a couple of hours, but Buck would still feel rude for ignoring it. He decides to read it and send off a quick answer.

_From TK: shit sorry i wouldn't have though you were hitting on me if i'd realized you had a bf_

Buck would like to make sense of that message, he really would, but right now his brain has responded by screeching like the old dial-up tone computers used to make when connecting to the internet (yes, he's old enough to remember that—barely).

“What the fuck?” he mutters to himself when his brain decides to come back online a few minutes later.

Buck wasn't upset when TK thought he was hitting on him. He was confused, sure, but not because TK was picking up queer vibes—he is bisexual after all—but he wasn't hitting on him? Not even close? Not only did Buck's heart and eyes stubbornly already belong to someone else (whose name Buck quickly shoves back before it can reach the surface of his thoughts), the kind of kinship he felt with TK was brotherly, like the one Buck had never had.

_To TK: i don't?????????_

That's the reply Buck eventually settles on, fighting off the impulse to ask TK just where in the world he got that idea. Buck stares at his screen for a few minutes, willing TK to wake up and reply because this whole thing is weird and he wants to talk about it, right fucking now. But it's 3 AM in Austin. TK is dead to the world, like Buck should be.

He sets his phone on his nightstand and plugs it in. He closes his eyes for a moment, tries to will the exhaustion he was feeling not ten minutes ago to come back, but it doesn't. His blood is humming in his veins, making him twitch, wide awake. Buck pulls up his own Insta feed, trying to feign mild disinterest to himself, like he's not about to go hunting for clues as to who TK would have pegged as his boyfriend.

The thing is, Buck thinks after twenty minutes of scrolling, no one fits the bill of 'boyfriend' when you look through his pictures. There's Chim, but he's always hanging off Maddie in Buck's photos, and Buck shudders to think that anyone would assume that he might be dating Bobby.

That leaves Eddie, which is the obvious answer staring him in the face, but also the one Buck refuses to consider. It's just _Eddie_ , Eddie's in his pictures because Buck takes pictures of what he's doing, and what he's doing eighty-three percent of the time is spending time with Eddie and/or Christopher. Anyone who knows anything about him isn't going to read into it, again because it's just Eddie. It was a day and a half, but TK should have learned enough about him in that short time to know that, right?

So Buck doesn't know. He should just leave it alone. He's probably never going to see TK in person again. Why would he care about TK thinking he has a boyfriend? Or knowing who TK thinks he is?

_To TK: who do u think he is?_

Buck sends the message, groans at his complete lack of impulse control. He has to know the answer, can't stop himself from trying to find out. The message, and lack of response (TK's still asleep, Buck reminds himself) mocks him, so he backs out of Instagram, only to find himself back there again five minutes later.

He considers texting Eddie. He probably isn't asleep just yet, and when Buck explains what's going on, he'll probably send Buck cry-laughing emojis that will make him feel better. But something about the whole thing doesn't feel funny, gives Buck a weird feeling in his gut instead.

Buck lets out a grunt, scrubs a hand across his face as he lets his phone fall onto the covers. He needs to not think about this and just go to sleep. He's supposed to be back at the station for his next shift by the afternoon. He closes his eyes, hopes that he'll slip off.

(He doesn't, so he ends up mindlessly scrolling for a couple of hours before he passes out.)

* * *

_F_ _rom TK: uh_

_From TK: i guess now i'm confused_

_From TK: i thought it was the one guy from your station that's always on ur feed_

_From TK: he's not?_

_To TK: Eddie?_

_To TK: fuck no_

And the 'fuck' is maybe a little much, but TK has to know just how far off base that assumption is.

_From TK: huh_

_From TK: weird_

_From TK: he's in ur pictures an awful lot for someone who's just a friend_

Buck blinks at his phone.

“You don't think think I post too many pictures of you on Instagram, do you?” Buck blurts out at Eddie, who is sitting next to him, clutching his cup of coffee as if it's the only thing keeping him from keeling over.

Him and Eddie are the only ones that went to Austin that ended up having to report for work less than twelve hours after they returned. Just shit luck on their part

Eddie grips his mug tightly, taking a long draw from the cup before he even considers looking Buck in the eye. He sighs, long-suffering, though he manages just a hint of amusement in his eyes.

“No,” Eddie finally replies, then remains stubbornly silent, refusing to elaborate further.

Buck makes a frustrated noise. “Okay, so then TK is just—” he trails off, waves his hand as he tries to find the right word. Stupid isn't right, because him and Eddie as boyfriends is technically a way you can read Buck's feed even if it is. “Wrong,” is what Buck settles on. If Eddie says it's not weird, then it's not. TK is the one being weird.

Eddie's grip on his mug tightens. Buck would think he was imagining it, except that Eddie's knuckles are going white. Buck reaches over, gently tries to pry it from Eddie's hands. The last thing he needs is for Eddie to shatter the cup and cut himself on the ceramic shards.

“You're still talking to TK,” Eddie says, and his voice is strained in a way that makes Buck's eyebrows rise to try and meet his hairline. He kind of looks like he wants to beat TK up, which doesn't make sense because a) Eddie doesn't do that anymore and b) TK didn't do anything to piss Eddie off, he doesn't think. Seems unlikely, since Buck was there the only times Eddie and TK interacted.

“Uh, yeah?” he answers. “He's a nice guy. I think we're friends. I mean, we did steal a ladder truck together—”

“Buckley, Diaz! In my office, _now_ ,” Bobby shouts from across the loft.

Buck winces, feels the blood drain from his face. “Aaand this is the part where we get in trouble for it,” he mutters.

“ _We_?” Eddie snaps. “It was all your idea!”

“You still came with!” Buck retorts.

“Yeah, to make sure you didn't get yourself killed,” Eddie replies dryly. “ _Dumbasser_.”

“Hey!” Buck splutters, flails. “Why am I dumbasser? Judd could just as easily have been talking to about TK!”

“That still makes you a dumbass,” Eddie says, rolling his eyes.

“Boys,” Bobby says, clearly unimpressed as he herds them into his office.

“This isn't fair,” Buck whines. “The 126 came with us too.”

“Yes, and they will get reprimanded too.”

“You really think Captain Strand's going to do that too sternly when they— _we_ saved his life?” Buck questions.

“I've heard he's a great captain, so I'm sure he will.” Bobby sighs. “Buck, I thought your truck stealing days were over, please tell me you're not reverting.”

“Hold on,” Buck protests. “This is totally different!”

Bobby puts his hands up. “I was trying for a joke,” he says. “I can see you're not in the mood.”

“In the mood? Bobby, I thought you were calling us in here to rip me a new one!” Buck shouts.

“Wait, you're not mad?” Eddie asks.

Bobby exhales slowly. “Officially? You're both getting a reprimand in your file. The department was pushing for me to suspend you both—”

“Shit,” Buck breathes out.

“But I was able to hold them off,” Bobby adds. “You both will be suspended the next time you show such blatant disrespect for direct orders from anyone outside this station, and it's going to be out of my hands. Especially you Buck. Next time you use a ladder truck without 'proper authorization', it'll be strike three as far as the department is concerned, and there'll be nothing I can do to help you.”

“Wait, Buck's done this before?” Eddie asks incredulously.

Bobby arches an eyebrow at the same time Buck throws up a prayer for the ground to open up and swallow him whole.

“I can see Buck not telling you, but I was sure Hen or Chim has told you the story at least once,” Bobby says.

“What story?”

Buck clears his throat. He knows his face is bright crimson, and looks down at Eddie's boots instead of his face. “I uh. Used to borrow—”

“Steal,” Bobby corrects, completely unhelpfully.

“Fine, _steal_ the ladder truck to uh. Pick up people. For sex,” Buck stammers.

Eddie stares at him for a long moment, then bursts out laughing.

Buck pouts. “It's not funny. I almost got _fired_ ,” he groans.

“I did fire you,” Bobby says, as Eddie tries to get himself under control. “Athena was the only reason I changed my mind. Which, I still don't think you've ever adequately thanked her for.”

Buck punches Eddie in the arm. “You're such an asshole, stop laughing,” he whines. “You do realize if Bobby had fired me, we would've never met.”

“I'm sorry, it's just so hard to imagine,” Eddie wheezes, hand on Buck's shoulder to steady himself. “You literally stole the 126's truck because you thought Bobby would kill you if you got any scratches on it.

“Yeah, because I learned that lesson the hard way,” Buck explains.

“He met Abby not long after almost getting fired,” Bobby says, then shrugs. “And the rest is history.”

Eddie stops laughing pretty quickly at the mention of her name, face transforming into a scowl. Eddie never met Abby, showed up a couple of weeks after she'd left, but he'd hated her almost from the beginning. In fact, once he'd learned the whole story from the rest of the team, he'd refused to tease Buck, even took to glaring at the rest of team when they tried.

Buck had still been reeling too hard at the time, dealing with the slow realization that she was never coming back—not to him at least—to analyze it too closely. Though now, he knows it's because the whole thing reminded Eddie too much of Shannon and how she'd left him the first time.

He'd also never particularly liked when Buck would say that he changed, became Buck 2.0 for Abby—even though it was true. He changed because he wanted to be a person worthy of her. He'd become exactly what she wanted him to be, until what she made him into wasn't what she wanted anymore. And then she left, and he spent weeks—months really, feeling like it was a failure on his part that caused her to leave, and not hers. Eddie had been the first one to point it out—or if not the first one to point it out, the first person Buck had listened to when it was said to him.

He's over it now. Mostly. Okay, he and Dr. Copeland talk about it at least once a week. He's getting there.

Eddie looks like he's ready to argue the point again when Bobby interjects.

“If you want to go over all that again, you can do it outside my office on your own time. I just brought you in here to tell you that you made the right call, okay? But I still have to punish you somehow besides a reprimand, so you don't get any ideas about trying it again in the future,” Bobby says. “Buck, you're doing inventory. For the _whole_ station. And Eddie, you're on cleaning duty for the next two weeks.”

Bobby hugs them, then tells them to get out of his office.

Buck knocks into Eddie's shoulder as they walk out. “That wasn't too bad, huh?”

Eddie glares at the floor, probably noticing all the scuff marks that he's going to have to buff out. “Next time you're going to do something stupid, I don't want to be a part of it,” Eddie grumbles.

Buck grins, can't help it, because Eddie will always come with him. “That's a lie,” Buck replies, knocks into Eddie's shoulder.

“Fine, you're right,” Eddie huffs, clearly fighting off a smile. “But only to keep you alive.”

“I'll take that.”

* * *

_To TK: [picture]_

_From TK: oof_

_From TK: inventory_

_From TK: sorry man_

_To TK: bobby's punishment for stealing the ladder truck_

_From TK: he's a hard ass_

_From TK: my dad just gave us a stern look and said not to do it again_

_To TK: yeah, well I have history_

_To TK: stealing ladder trucks_

_From TK: what_

_From TK: ???????????????_

Buck's not sure why he's telling TK this. Well yes, he does. To keep from actually having to do inventory. He'll follow any distraction to completion, because he hates counting with a burning passion. He would just fake it, except Bobby would know right away and be disappointed in him. So instead he's going to try, take too long, and Bobby will eventually give up and assign the job to someone else. Bobby is kind of a stickler for knowing their supply levels, and will want someone who will actually finish the job quickly enough for the numbers to be of use.

He starts typing a response, startles when a hand lands on his shoulder. He spins around, and—oh, it's just Eddie.

“Don't scare me like that,” Buck says, clutching his chest. Eddie rolls his eyes.

“You should be counting shit—you know, your _punishment_ —not texting,” Eddie answers, nudging the hand that's holding his phone.

“I don't see you cleaning anything,” Buck retorts, because he's a little shit sometimes.

“I'm done, at least for today,” Eddie says with a shrug. “I thought I'd keep you company.”

There's a beat, then—

“Who are you even texting?” Eddie asks. “Everyone's on shift, even Maddie.”

“Oh, just TK,” Buck says lightly. His phone buzzes again, momentarily drawing his attention away.

_From TK: come on buck_

_From TK: you can't just say something like that then disappear_

_To TK: sorry eddie's here_

He locks his phone and shoves it in his pocket. Eddie's face is unreadable, and Buck doesn't really understand it.

“I guess since you already have someone to talk to,” Eddie says quietly, turning to walk off.

“What? C'mon, don't be silly,” Buck says, nudging Eddie's foot. “I'd always rather talk to you.”

It's kind of a weird thing to say to your best friend, Buck knows that, but he says and does weird things around Eddie all the time. Just because he's mostly got a handle on his feelings, is pretty good at hiding them doesn't mean that they slip out occasionally. It's totally worth it though, because the shy grin Eddie gives him in response makes Buck happy, warms him all over.

“Okay, but you have to work if I stay,” Eddie drawls, picking up Buck's discarded clipboard and shoving it at him.

“ _Eddie!_ ” Buck whines, and Eddie just laughs.

But he snatches the clipboard away and starts counting, TK and the frown on Eddie's face forgotten.

* * *

_From TK: this is not helping convince me that eddie's not your bf_

_To TK: thats not my problem_

_To TK: i wish he was but alas_

_To TK: also i think eddie wants to fight you_

_To TK: he gets a murderous look every time i mention you_

_To TK: did u say something to him_

_From TK: oh my god_

It's a long moment before his phone buzzes again, but this time it's not TK. It's Marjan.

_From Firefox: what did you say to tk_

_From Firefox: you broke him_

_To Firefox: just that eddie gets upset every time i mention him_

_To Firefox: he looks like he would fight him if he could_

_From Firefox: you know_

_From Firefox: i think tks breakdown is perfectly fair_

_From Firefox: ur so dumb_

_To Firefox: :(_

* * *

“You're still texting him?” Eddie asks later.

Buck had kind of just—invited himself over to the Diaz's house. He hadn't seen Christopher for a week, and it's not like Eddie was going to tell him they were busy and make him go home. They'd watched a movie, and Buck had made dinner. Christopher had just about gotten on his knees and begged, stating that he hadn't had a proper meal since they got back from Texas. Eddie had grumbled that Christopher had, indeed, eaten, to which Christopher retorted that “boxed mac and cheese and frozen pizza doesn't count, dad.”

Buck had cackled so hard he had to clutch the counter to stay upright, Eddie had looked scandalized, and Christopher put on his best 'I'm innocent and have done nothing wrong, ever' look.

Buck had finally agreed to cook, once he stopped laughing.

They watched a movie, and Christopher is now in bed, and Buck was deciding whether to try and make an exit or just sleep on the couch when Eddie asked the question, catching him off guard.

“What?”

Eddie hesitates, looks bashful, like he feels embarrassed for asking in the first place. “I—forget it,” he mutters.

Buck blinks. “It was Marjan that time, actually. She called me dumb.”

Eddie snorts, then his head snaps up. “Marjan?”

“Yeah, it was about TK. Apparently I broke him. I don't know how,” Buck explains, and there! There it is again! That look that makes Eddie look like he would punch TK, were he only standing directly in front of him. “Dude. What's you problem with TK?”

“I—what? I don't have a problem with him,” Eddie says, but his scowl doesn't let up.

“Tell that to your face, man,” Buck says. “You look like you want to knock his brains out.”

“He convinced you to steal a ladder truck,” Eddie replies. Buck arches an eyebrow.

“This morning it was all my idea,” he says. “Now it's TK's fault that I did it? I came up with it on my own because it was Hen. The fact that it was also his dad, so we had the 126 with us was just a bonus.”

“You smile at your phone every time he texts you,” Eddie adds quietly.

“I—oh my God, are you jealous that I made a new friend?” Buck asks, and Eddie's face does a pained, complicated thing which Buck takes as a 'yes'. He laughs. “I'm not gonna replace you with TK. He's like the brother I never had. You're still my best friend.”

Eddie's expression lightens up, but there's still a tinge of—almost melancholy and Buck doesn't know where it came from.

“It's kind of funny, TK thinks we're dating,” Buck blurts out. It's mostly because he thinks Eddie will find it hilarious, and Buck wants to make him laugh.

Instead, Eddie's eyes go wide, inhales so fast that he starts choking on his spit.

“Shit,” he murmurs, thumping Eddie on the back to help him breathe. “Sorry, I thought you would find that funny.”

“Why would that be funny?” Eddie asks.

“I don't know. Cause we're not?” Buck questions back.

“I know that,” Eddie snaps, and he doesn't sound angry. In fact, he almost sounds hurt. “It would be nice if you didn't act like the very idea was a joke.”

Buck feels like he's been punched in the gut. Eddie thought he was making fun of the very idea of being in a relationship with him. Which taken with his reaction to TK, the fact that Eddie isn't bothered by how often he's on Buck's Instagram even though people are clearly starting to draw conclusions. Suddenly something clicks.

“Wait, you were jealous of TK because—because you thought I was into him,” Buck says slowly, feels the grin creeping across his face. “Because you're into me.”

“You make me sound like I'm twelve,” Eddie squawks defensively. The blush creeping up his cheeks tells Buck that Eddie's not actually denying anything he said.

Buck's always felt something for Eddie. Attraction, affection, love, you name it, Buck's got it for Eddie. But Buck never had a chance, so even as the feelings just became a part of who he is, he got really good at pushing them to the background, a low hum, so that he doesn't have a breakdown in Eddie's presence, or like, admit his feelings to Eddie.

But now Eddie's here and he was jealous of TK and he's blushing and not denying anything.

“I was jealous of Marjan. Cause you went up on the ATV with her and left me behind,” Buck admits, since doing so will probably make Eddie feel better. Eddie turns his head and raises an eyebrow.

“You didn't show it,” Eddie says.

“Yeah, well. You make me jealous all the time. I've got a lot of practice hiding it,” Buck answers with a shrug.

Eddie sucks in a breath, grabs at Buck's knee like he needs it to steady himself even though they're sitting on his couch. “A lot of practice?” he asks, strained.

Buck shrugs again. “I've been in love with you for a long time,” he says and whoops. He meant to say like. Not love. Ten minutes ago Buck believed there was no possibility anything would ever happen, and now he just found out that Eddie at least likes him and now he's throwing out the 'L' word.

Eddie hasn't run away screaming yet, so Buck takes that as a win. But he's also gripping Buck's knee so hard it might bruise.

“I'm sorry, I didn't meant to say that—it's okay if you're not there yet,” Buck says hastily.

“No, it's not—” Eddie squeezes his eyes shut, rubs at his face with his free hand. “You've been it, for a long time. The way you are with Christopher kinda sealed my fate quite a while ago. I just—forgot to tell you? At first, anyway, and then you kept playing along, making time for me, for him even when you didn't have to so I just. Didn't say anything. I didn't want to ruin it, but then I thought I did anyway. I saw how you were with TK and I—”

“TK has a serious boyfriend,” Buck interrupts.

“Ugh,” Eddie groans, letting his head fall back on the couch. “So I got all worked up for nothing.”

“Well not—wait,” Buck says after a second. “You were already dating me in your head and you just. Didn't think you needed to tell me?”

“Uh. Yes?” Eddie replies, and the laughter bubbles out of Buck before he can stop it.

“Eddie, you're ridiculous,” Buck says, slinging an arm around Eddie's shoulders and leaning into him heavily. The expression on Eddie's face says that he's trying to be annoyed, but he's missed the mark completely and settled into something like fondness.

“I do. Love you,” Eddie says after Buck's giggles subside.

It's kind of been the whole point of the conversation, but it still knocks the wind out of him when Eddie says it. He turns his head and Eddie's already looking at him, their noses so close they're almost touching, and their proximity makes Buck even more breathless.

Eddie's hand curls around the back of his neck, fingers carding through the short hairs at his nape. Eddie rests his other hand on top of Buck's.

“Can I—” Buck breathes out and Eddie nods and Buck is surging forward, kissing him. In his weakest moments, when the want was too strong, overpowered the need to keep the idea of Eddie at arms length, Buck would imagine this. And the electricity, the heat was there, but Buck hadn't imagined that it would feel grounding, solid, something. Together, the two things make him feel a bit like he's drowning while still standing on dry land.

Eddie nips at his bottom lip and Buck makes a startled noise, pulls back a little.

“I—Eddie,” he says breathlessly, fights the urge to follow Eddie's mouth when Eddie whines. He has to know, has been too invested for too long to just jump in casually. “This can't—I'm in too deep already. I'm not—this wouldn't be a casual thing. Not for me.”

“Me either. I'm all in. Now, and for years down the line,” Eddie says, resting his forehead against Buck's. “If you are.”

“Of course I am,” Buck says, and then presses their lips together again because he knows he can, feels the smile forming on both their faces. There will be a lot to figure out, but that can wait until later. For now, Buck is going to bask in everything he thought he'd never have.

* * *

Buck posts a picture of Eddie kissing his cheek a couple of days later.

_From TK: bro_

_From TK: were you fucking with me the whole time?_

_To TK: no_

_To TK: you have no idea how much u helped_

_To TK: if you hadn't made eddie jealous i wouldn't have found out he was in love with me_

_From TK: glad i could be of service_

_To TK: you were kind of right_

_To TK: apparently eddie was acting like we were already dating_

_To TK: he just forgot to tell me_

_From TK: aww, that's so deeply weird_

_To TK: that's eddie for ya_

“ _Buck_ ,” Eddie whines, clumsily swatting at his phone from his place, plastered to Buck's back. Buck grins and pats Eddie's arm.

“Okay, okay,” he says, shoots off one more message before putting his phone down.

_To TK: gotta go. He's very needy in the mornings_

_From TK: ew bro. tmi_

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't know how else to end it lol
> 
> Come find me on [tumblr](https://benjji2795.tumblr.com) and scream about these boys that have suddenly taken over my life.


End file.
